By Marla J. Noel
Do you know someone who has lost a loved one? Sometimes it is difficult to know what to say when you see that person. You want to offer comfort, but what do you do? It is usually best to say;
“I am very sorry for the loss of your loved one.”
Then wait for a response. If you think it appropriate, there is nothing better than a hug. If you are a good friend, you may want to help in the grieving process. How do you do this? Most mortuaries have literature for the families and friends to better understand the grieving process. Take some time to read and understand what your friend may be going through. Then, take some time to listen to your friend and let them explain what they are feeling. Do not give advice, just listen.
Listening to someone talk about their loved one can be very therapeutic for the person who is grieving. If this is difficult, ask questions, such as; what was their hobby, favorite vacation spot, holiday or food. Get your friend to talk about their memories, both good and bad. Do not be afraid to giggle with them, but let them start the giggling first.
Help them to plan ceremonies around the birthday, anniversaries or the date of death. There are no rules about when to have a memorial service. It can be a week or a month from the death, or a year from the date of death. Be sure to be there for your friend around the holidays. Don’t force them to go to parties, but spend some time with them and always be willing to listen.
There is no timeline for grief. For every individual, the healing process is different. Most of us never heal completely, we may eventually feel less pain, or accept the pain, or use the pain to help us grow in some way. There is no set time for healing, like one year or two years. Every person is different.
Family members may not be helpful when going through the grieving process. Sometimes, when members of the family are all going through the grieving process together, they are too lost in their pain to help other family members.
A good friend will assist in finding a grief support group to attend. This can be very helpful, and you will find that churches, hospitals, hospice and some funeral homes provide grief support groups. You may want to go with your friend to give them the confidence to attend the first few times. They may find comfort from others who have gone through what they are going through.
If you know someone who has lost a loved one, take some time to help them with the grieving process. They will remember you as a true friend.
