by Marla J. Noel
We have a support group at Fairhaven, and I hear of many different experiences about how each individual has dealt with the loss of a loved one. We are lucky to have the guidance of Gary Tucker, who is a Bereavement Coordinator with Odyssey Healthcare in Orange County. With Gary’s help, we have all gotten to know each other a little better. We have also learned that the right way to grieve is “our way”.
For most of the members of the support group, life changed, sometimes suddenly or sometimes as the result of a long illness. This change in life is probably one of the most difficult changes we will ever experience. The loss of a spouse, parent, child or best friend can be devastating.
So, what do you do when this change happens? I think many times we may want to stay in the house, not ever go out, stay away from friends and ignore the rest of our family. This may be okay for a period of time, however, it does not sound like a healthy way to live our lives for the long run. You might want to think about what your loved one would want for you.
Going to a support group is a big step in grieving. With the right support group, you may meet some people who will understand you when you start to cry at lunch. They may cry with you, and my opinion is, that is okay. Get ideas about how you can create reasons to get out of the house. Several members received help from their church, one member took a cruise, another member had a family member make a large blanket with a picture of her and her husband imprinted on the blanket. One of our members brought in a magazine on Elder Hostiles that she had heard about. Another member decided that each week, she was going to do one thing different, so that she could improve how she was living, even if it meant just driving home a different way from her normal route. She knew she had to get “out of the rut”.
The point is, other people have ideas that may be helpful to you. You may have to try several groups. Some of our members attend other groups. Can you ever have too much help?
I have gotten to know many of the people from our support group, and I truly enjoy them. It is a great experience to watch them help each other.
Losing a loved one is difficult and I see many people who try to go through the grief process on their own. This does not make sense to me. When you are sick, you see a doctor. You would not try to fix a broken arm on your own. Why should you “go it alone” on one of the most difficult journeys in life? Your local church, funeral home, hospice group, hospital or neighbor may have a grief support group to recommend. Take a step in the right direction and ask for help. Join a support group.
